Day 20 of NaBloPoMo and I GotNoMo. The baby has been staying up later in the evening and by the time she goes to sleep and Wife and I eat and then I sit down to write, I’ve been staying up later and later and later. Consequently, I can hardly keep my eyes open and just want to go to bed.
Techically, I could push PLAY on this right now and satisfy the NaBloPoMo daily post requirement. Mwahahaha.
Our Sweet Baby E turned seven-months-old today. It’s a little shocking how quickly the time is flying by. We really are loving every moment of it. E celebrated by completely destroying one of her diapers tonight. I knew we were in trouble when she started making her Wallace Shawn poop face that I hadn’t seen in a while and then whoosh, what sounded like ocean waves filled her bottom half.
I’m always afraid to move her when that’s happened, but it’s the only way to change her diaper. She managed to not have a blow-out and I thought I might get by relatively unscathed. Uh…no. It looked like she had been attacked with mustard yellow paint balls. There was poo all over her cloth diaper and diaper cover. Before I could get her out of them, she was rolling all over and spreading the poo farther up her back. I was trying to hold her steady with one hand while spraying our Happy Baby Bottom Homemade Hippie Juice on our homemade cloth wipes. She had other ideas. I got the diaper and cover off of her, but she continued rolling rolling rolling onto the contaminated blowout pad under her bottom and lower back. I stood there looking all over the place for at least two minutes as I tried to figure out where to put the saturated diaper and cover. The Diaper Genie was several feet away and couldn’t be reached without putting Roly Poly at risk. I couldn’t put it on the bed because she’d grab it (she was being changed on our bed). I thought about putting it on the floor, but was convinced the dog would get it (forgetting the dog was safely behind a baby gate). As I considered each of these options, I turned and gestured as if I was placing the diaper at each one, all the while keeping a hand on the baby so she wouldn’t plummet off the bed.
I finally made the executive decision to sacrifice a new cloth diaper to put under the destroyed one so I could safely place it on our dresser. That problem solved, I had to clean up Poo Bear with the Happy Baby Bottom Homemade Hippie Juice and homemade cloth wipes and then make sure she didn’t grab them once they were dirty oh my hell, she just grabbed one and it’s dirty. OK, let me spray another homemade cloth wipe with Happy Baby Bottom Homemade Hippie Juice and clean her hand.
If she would just stop rolling! I felt like she and I were in a logrolling competition and she was winning.
It was around this point that I yelled, “Help!” to wife as she came into the house from the garage. I’m an only child and almost never ask for help. It’s one of my least favorite things to do. So If I’m asking, you can be sure I’m stuck on a roof or something similarly serious has happened. (I got stuck on a roof recently.) Wife came in and I swear to you, rolling rolling rolling baby just STOPPED and grinned at Wife. I proceeded to put her diaper on with relative ease and she never moved. Wife wanted to know why I yelled for help and when I explained, she just laughed at me and said, “All. day. long.”
Wife is my hero.